52tease.com New Mature Humor T-shirts

Opium Den or College Dorm Room? Original Prints & Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:13:00 +0000

Apparently, along with the recent introduction of a PG13+ area of the store (parental advisory recommended), our crack team of t-shirt designers and scientificologists have had an interest in bulking it up with drug references and sex-related designs; even though we have tried to convince them otherwise.

Unfortunately, this means that those people who chose to sign up for our new Family Friendly(ish) 52tease.com Weekly T-shirt Sale updates probably think we’ve fallen off the edge of the Earth (to them it looks like we put out our most recent new shirt design on June 25th).

Have no fear, though, as that only happened to the Vikings and those draconian corporate imperatives we mentioned last week.

Those of you who subscribe to our standard weekly t-shirt sale feed should be getting this loud and clear.
You know who else often has a lot of trouble keeping in touch? College students...especially first-year students. For some reason, they've got no problem cutting off all communication with the people who are (probably) paying for their education and with whom they've (more than likely) cohabitated for about eighteen years.

Of course, they're always pretty quick to get in touch when they could use a few bucks, right?

What are those college kids doing with all their time, anyway?

Well, the inquisitive parent is in luck, because we sent our scientificologists around the country to find out what our nation's young men do when they get to college instead of studying. You have to see the photographic evidence to believe it.

Our scientificologists, through extensive surveys, interviews and undercover work discovered that college freshmen live a life very similar to that found in a 1920's opium den. Comparing images from the two eras, it is almost impossible to tell the difference between the men in the opium den and a couple of college freshmen smoking marijuana in their dorm rooms isn't it?

Purchase this unique 52tease.com original poster on sale now for any stoner's dorm room this fall. Choose from either:
mom & dad - College is Awesome! Please send money. ~Justin
OR
mom & dad - Learning a lot at college. Thinking about joining a frat. Send money. ~Mike

What Would a Viking Do? t-shirts & more

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 18:14:00 +0000

What, you ask, could cause such tumult in the Outpost that this design debut sale announcement is coming to you a full two days after the fact?

Although I would love to answer that question for you in the nicest, most sincere way possible, this week the higher ups enacted "one rule to rule them all" (I doubt they even noticed the redundancy in that parody, but I'm sure it made them feel smart to have thought it up) that supersedes my better judgment.

(I hope they don't fire me for parenthetically inserting a suggestion that those who are easily offended skip past the gore to learn about our new subscription options with parental controls[ish]. If they ask, I didn't say anything.)

You want me to put an axe through your head!? Quit asking those stupid questions!

According to our new corporate policy, every member of the 52tease.com team, whenever confronted with a decision, is to ask him or herself, "What would a viking do?"

Apparently, our scientificologists have become pretty upset that ninjas, pirates, clowns and even Spartans are getting all sorts of Intersphere loving while vikings have gone all but unnoticed among those who rally around a regression-fueled childhood icon.

What can I say? They got the scientificological lobby together and petitioned the boss-types to not only launch a new viking t-shirt design, but also to change the corporate structure in an effort to garner media attention to their cause.

Who knows, maybe CNN is looking for a story about Viking as corporate culture. Well, our offices are open for interviews (but don't be surprised if we're drinking mead out of animal horns and decide to slice off your heads with axes--we just do that sometimes).

In the midst of this corporate restructuring, we've also managed to completely update our RSS and E-mail subscription system. Subscribe via RSS or e-mail to only those posts that interest you. Confused by these options? Find more information on our subscription page.

New T-shirt Designs on Sale (weekly updates, at most)

52tease.com Weekly T-shirt Sale (every category)
Family Friendly(ish) 52tease.com Weekly T-shirt Sale (every category except "mature humor")
Political Apparel Designs
Graphic T-shirt Designs
Mature Humor Designs
Family Humor Designs
WWWT? (What were we thinking?) Designs

The 52tease.com Blog (updates possible multiple times a day)
52tease.com Buzzzzz (the whole enchilada)
52tease.com Linkage (no new shirts, only links to the Intersphere)

Hopefully the boss-types will come to their senses and we'll be back to the "norm" by next week

Our Most Recent (and last?) Big Birthing

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 00:16:00 +0000

Sorry that you hadn't heard from us in a while, but there have been so many things going on in the past week and a half that we're just happy to finally be finished with it all.

As I'm sure you're aware, the media just decided in the last two weeks that Dick Cheney's hegemony of the Executive branch (from outside yet inside the Executive branch, mind you) as well as the proposed articles of impeachment were some newsworthy items. You can thank us for that.

Sure, we may appear to be a lowly t-shirt shop with few political connections, but we happen to have some attentive ears on the inside.

Unfortunately, Trickier Dick and his band of unmerry men sniffed us out so we had to go underground for a little while. In fact, we are so scared of Cheney's probing claws, we've completely overhauled our web site to throw him and the CIA off our trail.

Which brings us to the other special events we celebrated over the past week. We were fortunate enough to celebrate a birthday and a "birth" day. The former, a celebration of America's independence, went off pretty well (except for some rain, but our scientificologists were prepared for that with some sort of new tarp with one sticky side they were testing out...it worked pretty well until the bugs decided to try to eat the glue. As you might expect, that was quite an ugly mess.) and the latter has been a difficult birth to rival the creation of the universe --at least as far as our scientificologists can accurately assess.

The second birth was one of our own. That's right. The 52tease.com community is proud to present our bouncing baby, a beautiful creature if ever we saw one and testament to the evil that birthing can be.

Before you go around passing cigars, though, our lawyertainers have indicated our legal responsibility to impart to you the information that this baby is not, in fact, human, but a brand new website design for 52tease.com (go on, check it out. It's funtacular!)

We affectionately call the cute little tike "52tease.com version 5" around the Outpost. Doesn't it have a nice ring to it?

Although we love the wee little one to death, the delivery of this bundle of joy has caused the entire 52tease.com staff to swear off any future parturition in the near future.

In fact, some have gone and sworn off kids forever. In honor of their commitment to being "kid free" we are happy to debut our first design celebrating the absolute end of our patience (that doesn't have to do with the Bush administration, of course), vasectomized t-shirts and gifts.

Of course, we recognize that the majority of men who choose to get a vasectomy already have children, that's why we've put together a hilarious gift for the child of a vasectomy patient. These children's items say "daddy says i'm the reason he got himself vasectomized."

What? We could send the scientificologists home after over forty-eight hours away from their families (hence the late arrival) without at least a little present for their kids. Right?

Mood: exasperated (in a good way) Playing: Reggae - to calm the soul

Bzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzzz

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 01:55:00 +0000

Maintaining radio silence. The big DC may be onto us.

He won't stop us from putting out new t-shirt designs on sale, though. Enjoy!

Prosecutors Will Be Violated t-shirts

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 17:25:00 +0000

Let your t-shirt serve as a warning sign for all overzealous litigators: Prosecutors will be violated t-shirts!

Of course, in designing this week's special, we had to take into account that at least a few lawyers either bought or cheated their way into the profession. How to get our "prosecutors will be violated" message across to the illiterate lawyer? We think there's no better way than a simple 52tease.com alteration of some universal icons.

As you can see in the accompanying pictures, the lawyer in question is slightly bent over at the wrong end of the long arm of the law. That's gotta hurt!

To be totally honest, we don't have anything against lawyers...well, good lawyers who care about what they do and not what they make. It just seems to us that everyone knows a good lawyer joke and nobody knows a good lawyer--as Wikipedia corroborates:

"Hostility towards the legal profession is a widespread phenomenon. The legal profession was abolished in Prussia in 1780 and in France in 1789, though both countries eventually realized that their judicial systems could not function efficiently without lawyers. Complaints about too many lawyers were common in both England and the United States in the 1840s Germany in the 1910s, and in Australia, Canada, the United States, and Scotland in the 1980s.

Lawyer jokes (already a perennial favorite) soared in popularity in English-speaking North America as a result of Watergate. In 1989, American legal self-help publisher Nolo Press published a 171-page compilation of negative anecdotes about lawyers from throughout human history."

Speaking of lawyer jokes, have you heard the one about the small town trial?

During the proceedings, the prosecuting attorney called an elderly woman to the stand and asked, "Ma'am, do you know me?"

She replied, "Yes I do. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned, but asked his next question, "Do you know the defense attorney?" "Why yes, I do. He's has a drinking problem, his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state, and he cheated on his wife with five women, including your wife."

The judge ordered both lawyers to approach the bench, and quietly said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."

Mood: Thinking about Macs | Playing: Limbik Frequencies

Censor Me at Your Own Peril

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Tue, 29 May 2007 16:06:00 +0000

We hope that it is obvious to you, our loyal reader, that we try to maintain a fairly family-friendly storefront at 52tease.com ~ we separate our "mature humor" products from others and we almost never use profanity or vulgarities. Sure, some people have been offended by the fact that we carry many of our designs on women's thongs, but we can't really help the fact that they disagree with our apparel decisions, can we?

Although we don't generally cater to youth shoppers (probably because they don't have credit cards) we do try to provide a space that parents can feel comfortable letting their kids surf around in~just don't let them visit our college humor section.

Others, though, definitely have an issue keeping their potty mouths to themselves. Some people just don't realize that there are families or puritanical people around to offend and some just don't care. Then there are those people who care enough to try to be inoffensive, but somehow a curse word or inappropriate story escapes their mouths and enters the ears of others. The design we are happy to debut on sale this week is catered to those who try but just can't help the little crudities that escape their lips.

Although we really wanted to keep this design clean as well, we felt it would do our intended customers a disservice to erase any and all vulgarities from the text. That's why we went with the fair-warning for those who may be tempted to ask us to curb our language: "Say one thing about my 'R' rated mouth and I will unleash my 'NC-17' mind on your ass!"

Come on. It can't be that bad to say "ass". We figure that anything the FCC allows on prime-time television, we can get away with as well without insulting our mostly respectful and reasonable audience. Are we wrong here?

Actually, the more we try to kowtow to those with a moral imperative to "keep it clean" and admonish those around them for doing the same, the more realize why and how this might infuriate someone who is attempting to have a sanitized conversation but who may have a mouth that is just a little faster than their mind.

Who are you, anyway, to tell them what words they can and cannot use? Instead of reproving others for their words and actions, you can take the opportunity to educate your children that if they don't want to appear as stupid and uneducated as the guy who has no better adjectives than expletives, they should focus more on their own vocabulary (possibly by studying these 100 essential words) rather than harp on others.

College humor, NC-17 Mind, R Rated Mouth, Offensive , Attitude

Mood: Contented | Playing: Birdsong

Brainpower in the Nether Regions

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 21:39:00 +0000

Although most of our recorded history and science represents men as the essential ingredient to the survival of the species, they don't traditionally carry the title of "sharpest tool in the shed."

This belief often springs from the fact that males tend to spend more time thinking with their sex organ (yes, the penis) than their heads. Whenever there's a conflict between logic and possible sex, it's a fair bet that intercourse is going to win.

Sure, this may be a vast female conspiracy to paint men as idiots, but they certainly have a lot of evidence to back them up.

Take, for example, the very recent case of the Japanese naval officers who, in an effort to share porn (way to be cost-effective guys!), may be responsible for leaking top secret information about the Japanese missile defense program, the high-tech Aegis radar system.One of the navy officers happens to be married to a Chinese woman, making this a bigger intelligence boondoggle than it would otherwise have been.

The officer told police he accidentally copied the confidential data onto his computer's hard disk when copying porn from a computer belonging to a crew member from another destroyer, the Yomiuri newspaper reported.

A third officer was also found to have copied data on the Aegis system alongside pornographic images, the Yomiuri said.

Seriously guys, how smart do you have to be to figure out the difference between pornography and scientific specs?

We salute men like you with this week's design, an arrow pointing toward the man's head with the text "the dummy" and another arrow pointing to his penis with the text "the ventriloquist." A unique and original 52tease.com version of the classic "his penis does his thinking for him" line.

Of course, we can't just point fingers at Japanese men when discussing those who let their private parts do all the "heavy lifting."

The Ugandan legislature recently had to scrap a law that privileged men's libidinal interests quite a bit over the concept of fair and equal treatment.

Not only did the law allow married men to cheat without legal recriminations while either fining married women or sentencing them to a year in jail, it also gave men more rights than women if their partner died.

Geez-louise! The way these laws are written you would think that men think they run the world or something. Of course, women know that it's not the men--just their appendages--that are doing the real thinking.

College humor, Penis humor, Ventriloquism, Stupid men

Mood: Mildly amused | Playing: Mumbles (the radio's too low)

Take Me Home With You

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 00:11:00 +0000

So, what do you think about the brand-spanking new 52tease.com Buzzzzz (that's right, five Z's)? Not only have we updated our blog concept by linking to some of the more interesting things on the Intersphere, we've update the blog itself to take advantage of new technologies available to us.

We're not promising that everything is going to stay the same as it appears now (heck, we've been through four or five major revisions of our storefront in the two plus years we've been producing quality designs) but the new features are indicative of our shift to more reader-friendly and participatory blog.

Not only can you see others' most recent comments in the sidebar (under the title "You Were Saying?") but that same text below each blog (see it down there big, bold and blue?) will also direct you to the comments section for that entry.

Soon, you'll also be able to view posts by topic ("Topics of Interest" to the right) so you can find all our geek t-shirt designs or even surf through our newest addition, "linkage."

We're making these changes because we're lonely. Just like the target audience of this week's design, "take me home with you," we want someone to pick us up and never put us down. To be honest, like the teen sex diagram we showed you earlier today, the hook-up scene inside the 52tease.com offices seems rather circular.

If you're looking at that picture right now, the big blob on the top left would be our scientificologists. They claim that they're just attracted to each other's big brains, but the rest of us (the marketing and design teams, customer service, etc.) know that they're just a snobby clique, unwilling to taint their gene-pool with our unworthy blood.

To combat that clannish attitude, the rest of us got together, without the scientificologists, to create the perfect bar gear for the lonely and available.

We thought it would be pretty funny to put the standard taxi-stand icon from the airport (for those of you who aren't able to see the pics with this entry, it's that dude with a suitcase and his hand up in the air) above the text "take me home with you."

I'm taking these babies out for a test run next weekend, so don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a little while. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pick up at least three or seven women in a night with a beautiful icebreaker like this.

Of course, that's assuming that everyone else at the office doesn't also pick up one for themselves. Then we'd all just look like a herd of taxi-hailers; and that would be pretty hard to explain at the places we frequent.

Actually, forget I even told you about these shirts...I don't want to show up at the bar and see ten other people wearing the same design as that might ruin my chances with Ms. Right-For-Me. Now that I think about it--if you're looking for a pickup shirt than these probably aren't the right thing for you. Naw, you'd look a lot better (and have a better chance of "scoring") with our Amateur Pornographer t-shirts.

Yeah, get yourself one of them and maybe I'll see at the bar this weekend. I'll be the guy in the "take me home with you" shirt.

College humor, Take Me Home With You, Pickup Lines

Valentine & Saint Patrick's Fun

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 00:48:00 +0000

Well, as any good frugal company would do, we waited until after the New Year to purchase our office calendars--if you wait two weeks into January, you get a full 50% off at least, much better than that paltry initial 25% markdown. We know that you're wondering how a major player in the t-shirt biz like 52tease.com could possibly advocate such overly cheap and petty penny pinching...we do this with you, our loyal customer, in mind.

We don't waste your hard-earned money on big incentive packages for VIPs or expensive advertisements during the Super Bowl because we value every dollar you give us just as much as you.

We know this seems like a rant completely unrelated to the supposed topic of this post, Valentine's and Saint Patrick's days but our frugality is cause for celebration as we proudly present two (tenuously) related designs on sale this week.

Had we looked at a 2007 calendar sometime before...uh...yesterday, we probably would have remembered to debut our special Valentine's message: "living life, celebrating love," earlier in January instead of now, alongside our Saint Patrick's green-themed less thinking, more drinking! t-shirts.

Fortunately for you, loyal 52fan, this week is the perfect time to get both these designs on sale before these holidays.

Although these short phrases seem fairly simplistic in their message (surely our alcohol-lover's design is truly elementary) celebrating love is something deeper than just a two-word statement, it is a simple and satisfying philosophy.

Celebrating love is a way of approaching the world and choosing what you want to take from your experiences while fully engaging in life. When you are ready to celebrate love you not only take love from your surroundings, you become a giver as well, sharing the joy and love you've created and explored with anyone around you who is open to the experience.

For those of you who are already sick of all this mushy love stuff, don't worry. We know a nice, quiet little drinking hole where you can hide from love, hate and just about any other emotion that seems to be more trouble than it's worth. You are definitely the type of person who can appreciate a shirt that reminds us to shut off our brains as we drink.

As we were putting this post together, we realized that Valentine's Day and Saint Patrick's day, interestingly enough, seem to go together. They both bring out the best and worst emotions in people (true love, often followed by true rejection and true despondence). Why can't we actually bring the two together? There'd be a lot more loving going on and whole slew of people who currently hate Valentine's day probably wouldn't care all that much if they had an ice cool pint in their hands...

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, Drinking, Less Thinking More Drinking, Love, Family fun, Celebrate Love

Mood: Always nice | Playing: Sigur Ros

Are You A Mellow Fellow Citizen?

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 20:30:00 +0000

Sure, we blatantly stole this short phrase from Homer Simpson in the "Weekend at Burnsies" episode, but we just can't believe that no one has put this on a shirt yet. If you haven't yet seen this episode, it is worth your time to try to search it down (in your video store, of course, we would never advocate copyright infringement) just to see the Simpson's take on the medical marijuana debate. Just in case you can't find it yourself, here's a rather large excerpt from cannabis.net.

Although we're pushing the pot-smoking angle here (notice the green "mellow?" It's intentionally reminiscent of weed, pot, ganja, cannabis, smoke, bud, chronic,mary jane, grass, reefer, dope, herb, dank, trees, blaze, dro, haze, nugs, cheeba, hydro, or whatever you call it) this shirt could certainly work for any relaxed, chill or generally unfazable gentleman with whom you are familiar. Of course, why would a person need to advertise the fact that they are mellow? Perhaps he wants to encourage others to ask him about it so he can spread his Buddhist beliefs?

More than likely, that's not the case. Although you won't get in trouble for wearing Buddha on your belly, there is a good chance that a pot leaf or a pro-marijuana slogan could get you in trouble in school, at the airport, or anywhere you could encounter authority of the anti-pot persuasion.

What's a proud pot smoker to do? You probably want to celebrate your hobby (habit? addiction?) without cluing in the pigs, your mom, or the school principal but make your pot-user status clear to other smokers. We'd like to think this is an excellent way to get your message across without blatantly confronting others who may not be so sympathetic to your ganja-fueled good times.

Although we don't employ a legal crew at 52tease.com (fortunately, we haven't stepped on that many toes yet), we would be remiss if we didn't, right now, explain that smoking marijuana may be harmful to your health. Of course, we aren't able to find any really good proof of this...in fact, we've found a lot more information that seems to contradict this assertion. Two websites that recently came to our attention via Digg.com actually refute this assertion. One, in a very concise blog entry, refutes, point-by-point, the statements found on the Drug Free America Foundation’s website.

The other article, written by Pete Guither in 2003, recounts the history of the criminalization of marijuana in American. According to his article, some of the biggest reasons for our current drug laws include racism (most often against Mexican immigrants, but also against black Americans), political advancement and corporate profits.

If you do decide to wear this design, though, just remember that we cannot be held responsible if 'heads' come up to you asking about your connection or if 'the man' figures out our secret code. We just make shirts, we don't smoke them (sorry O'Soy!).

This just in: Check out this amazing one minute video on the effect of certain drugs on arachnid web-making. This isn't a request, it's a demand (you will appreciate it).

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, marijuana, pot smoker, mellow fellow

Mood: Mellow, of course. | Playing: Homer Simpson's "Smoke on the Water"

Only Committed Drinkers Need Apply

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 13:29:00 +0000

First, if you are reading this update right now at work and it's the day after Christmas, then you should probably stop reading right now and just get back to the grind. If, on the other hand, you're the type of person who is able to parlay an extended holiday weekend into a two-week bender that starts in one state and ends in another (the identity of which you can't figure out until your eyes finally adjust, after several hours, to the harsh reality of daylight enough for you to make out the license plates of the cars, you just realized, that are passing you entirely too close...almost as if you spent the night on the side of the road), then this is probably a t-shirt you need to own.

Sure, the "no soldier left behind" written in army-stencil-type makes this seem like an excellent pro-troop message. Once people recognize the still-standing and fallen beer bottles, though, they'll hopefully realize that you aren't exactly the type of person who cares about the military. You have another agenda altogether.

Beer! (one word, as long as it's beer or beer-related, can be an agenda, can't it?)

Alright dude with the business suit, hiding in your cubicle reading this event though I already told you that it wouldn't interest you...I can tell that you're asking yourself, "self---what the hell does the military have to do with beer drinking?" I shouldn't even answer that question. I warned you that this wasn't the shirt for you (unless, of course, you remember your frat-party roots with pride and still invite the 'boys' over for keg stands and beer funnels).

Well, a dead, or fallen soldier is a beer that has been opened, started and left unfinished. We have come across several indigenous tribes (most of them indigenous to college or university campuses) who would shoot a man (or woman) dead for such a transgression against the great god beer. It is common (frat) party etiquette to make sure you finish every beer--and not use half-finished beers as ash trays.

Just remember, if you don't finish your beer, than some unlucky pledge, desperate alcoholic, or penny-pinching drinker is going to have to finish it for you. Save everyone else the grief and only open a beer you're prepared to finish.

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, drinking t-shirts, beer humor, fallen soldier

Playing: Burn One Down - Ben Harper

We're not Just Awesome, We're Awesomer Than You!

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 21:33:00 +0000

We told you, didn't we? If you read the title on your homepage via our RSS feed (yes, we have that...it's an excellent way to make sure you stay up to date with the newest designs at 52tease.com without cluttering up your inbox -nice plug right?), you were probably wondering what you were going to see. What, exactly, could make 52tease.com awesomer than me? Nothing I can think of...

Well, of course our answer is a t-shirt (gotta love 'em). What better way to establish and legitimate your awesome-factor than by wearing your feelings on your ---not sleeve---- chest? We can't think of one (oh wait, there is one, what about the Awesomer Than You Mug? That's pretty snarky for the workplace.)

To be honest, we've got a lot to be smug about around the office. Our October/November sales have been the best in our two year history (thought you were going to be the only one on the block with a 52tease.com original Truthiness is Out There t-shirt? Think again), we've recently launched a new storefront for gift items (to be announced soon, we're still putting on some finishing touches), and this week we celebrate the grand re-opening of our AllAwesomeShirts.com t-shirt and gift portal.

We've made some major improvements over the previous portal that are going to make it that much easier to find a t-shirt, apparel, or other gift product with the term 'awesome' on it. We didn't just throw up any old junk (not that we did that with the last version of AAshirts, mind you); instead we hand-picked over 50 different designs created by other artists/creators at Cafepress.com.

Some of these designs include, Truckin' Awesome, You're Awesome (reversed for the mirror), Team Awesome, and This is What Awesome Looks Like. Those are just a few that have made us laugh around here, but we're certain (as long as you like the word awesome) that you're going to find another design that really resonates with you.

One gift we are really excited to vend is the "(any name here) is awesome" line of products (hundreds of women's & men's names available). Just imagine how your soldier would feel when s/he returns from Iraq and everyone in the family is wearing a (blank) is Awesome t-shirt with his/her name on it. It's a cool idea for a gift because you're really buying something for yourself to give as a gift. How often does that happen?

If you're really lucky, we'll be stocking the shelves when you come to visit and you'll have an interminably long wait to get the store. I know, you're wondering how that could be a good thing. Well, for those lucky few who catch us with our 'pants around our ankles' as it were, we've got a fun little version of Simon (memory) for you to play. What's your high score? (our personal best is level 7)

What are you waiting for? Visit our new storefront and come back here to let us know what you think.

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, Geek humor, Graphic designs, Awesome, Awesomer Than You t-shirts

Mood: Celebratory | Playing: The Stones

Sex Cells (May not be suitable for children)

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 22:26:00 +0000

Although there has been plenty of debate in America over the fate of young, impressionable little cells, we have yet to feel compelled to weigh in on the issue of stem cell research (do we really have to? The scientificologists practically run the place these days. What do you think they would want?)...and we're not going to start now.

Instead, we're overjoyed to share with you the creation of some small, sick and twisted marketing mind gone to the gutter. We know you've heard that sex sells. We have yet to truly capitalize on this belief at 52tease.com -- we've always chosen to stand on the quality of our products. Sure, we only hire our personal if they very nearly fit our collective conception of utter physical perfection, but we've avoided using big busty models to sell our high-quality designs.

Although you've come to love us for our high moral standards and unparallelled commitment to good old fashioned family values, we have to be realistic about the current state of the t-shirt market.

Every Tom, Dick, Harry, Joanie, Chochy, Mork and Mindy has a t-shirt shop of their own. Now that the t-shirt market is so flooded, we realized we had to flush our morals down the toilet just to make enough to get by. We needed something sexy to sell our shirts and we needed it fast.

We're sorry it had to come to this. We're sorry we had to resort to marketing a sex cells t-shirt to pay the bills. We know, we've really sunk to a new low. First our M.C. Hammer-based t-shirts last week and now the most base, silly pun of a design we could come up with.

Don't worry, fair fellow 'teasers, this marketing nadir is not the beginning of the end, but only the end of the beginning. We aren't going to mire ourselves in stinky poop and fart jokes. You've come to expect something more from 52tease and we're happy to deliver!

Thank you for your comments ~52tease.com

College humor, Potty humor, Geek humor, Sex jokes, Sex Cells

Mood: PlentyFine | Playing: A Kinder Future

Perfection, Pickups and Political Perverts

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 03:22:00 +0000

Utter perfection.

What is more perfect than your favorite shirt? I'm pretty sure we've said this before, but you never really know what science is capable of unless you allow it to unfurl to its greatest potential.

Our scientificologists have discovered the most perfect piece of apparel currently in existence on earth: it's everyone's favorite shirt!

Truly, it's easy to tell because the text across the front says, "my favorite shirt". We certainly don't pay those gals (and guys) enough for the amazing work they churn out. Three cheers for the scientificologists!!! (maybe the flattery will be enough)

How snarky!

Okay, so the simple witty t-shirt isn't enough to excite you. I can understand that (although, you have to admit...there is no better shirt than everyone's favorite shirt). You need something that's going to do a better job of getting you noticed at the bar.

You want a shirt that is going to say, "you might not take me home tonight, and you may not take me home next time...but you are going to take me home because I am just too cute to pass up".

You know how we're going to convey that very complex, primal message? With a t-shirt (or tank top, or spaghetti top) that says: I'm wearing this shirt so you'll remember me.

Scandal in politics? You don't say...

Well, what can we say about the whole Mark Foley fiasco that hasn't already been said? We here at 52tease.com always knew the GOP was full of perverts and pedophiles.

Think about it, why else would they spend so much time trying to get into my bedroom? Perverts!

Anyway, we've made a couple of political poster-style t-shirts to commemorate this 'outing' of the Republican party.

Enjoy our GOP=Gang of Pedophiles and GOP=Greedy Old Pervert t-shirts. (ouch! That's got to hurt.)

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, Political t-shirts, Family fun

Mood: Wandering | Playing: Velvet Underground (yeah, who would have guessed?)

Can We Take Your Picture?

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 20:49:00 +0000

We're talking about the absolute most perfect, bestest, kewlest gift for an amateur photographer. You know. You have that friend. The person who stops every fun event in your life so that they can rearrange the guests, pose them in some awkward, completely unsocial position, and take a picture.

Maybe your friend isn't as obnoxious a photographer as that. Maybe your friend is the type of person who takes beautiful, arty pictures that you would never even think of taking even if you had a phone-a-friend lifeline. Too bad that person sees the whole world through the viewfinder, though, isn't it?

What do you get for a person who's only constant accessory is a camera around his or her neck? You could probably get them a better camera, but that would not be an inexpensive gift. Maybe your photo fanatic would appreciate a tripod...but they're already hiding behind the camera. You probably don't want to give her something even bigger to hide behind.

Imagine the surprise on someone's face when they see the other side of our "may I take you picture" shirt. When they learn that the nice person with a camera is actually an amateur pornographer, they may rethink their request to have their picture taken.
(yes, we've also put the design on the two-sided shirts the opposite way. Instead of seeing "volunteer" on the back of the t-shirt you see "amateur pornographer". Who wouldn't want that title? --except, maybe, my mom--

Not only would this t-shirt make a great present for a photographer, it could also be a great, inexpensive Halloween costume. Think about it. With just this t-shirt (it comes as a sweatshirt, too, for the colder months) and a camera you could easily be the life of the party (and it may help you get some nookie as well)!

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, Pornography, Photography , Funny shirt

Mood: Pleasantly pleased | Playing: There's Red Dirt in the Wine

Pills Make us Better (than apes).

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 18:30:00 +0000

We are a society of addicts. Although all of our addictions aren't always easy to see, they always exist. Obviously, many of us are addicted to things like drugs and alcohol or television (don't believe the lies), cigarettes or coffee. Some of our addictions aren't as obvious, though.

Many Americans are addicted to more mundane and less conspicuously dangerous things including shopping sprees, cars, competition, showmanship, being right and we can even be addicted to finding our own physical or emotional flaws.

Although we could easily run through a list of perfect legal and normal activities that could, easily, count as dangerous addiction, Requiem for a Dream has already done a great job of covering that territory. If you haven't yet seen that flick, get out there (or surf over to Netflix) and get that movie into your house soon. It's fun, informative and visually stimulating. (Netflix is completely right, too, when it says that this is either a 'love' or 'hate' sort of movie. Although we 'love' you may very well 'hate'.)

No, we're here to try to get you to buy our Pills Make Me Feel Better t-shirts and gifts. Come on, they're funny. You know you like it. Even if you aren't a prescription pill abuser, statistics show that you probably know one (these same statistics point out that you probably also know a man who likes to wear women's underwear, a person with a fetish for circus bears and a woman who can smoke a cigarette with her hoo-hoo ;).

We certainly don't mean these products to promote the use of prescription medication. Heck, we won't even allow anyone to bring aspirin into the office unless they've got a note from the doctor, their mom, and a third, unrelated party (for the sake of 'witnessship' alone).

No, these shirts, mugs, and buttons point out how drugged up our society is currently, even with only two legal intoxicants (alcohol and tobacco, if you're keeping track) acceptable for public consumption. Our medicated parents are raising medicated kids who probably play 'Medicate Ken and Barbie' or 'Medicated GI Joe' when they have some alone time.

At least the drugs make you feel better...right?

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, Pills, Prescription medication, Drugs

Have you heard the one about the blonde and abacus?

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 18:06:00 +0000

We've done a good job of making fun of stoners, fashion-followers, geeks, parents, Democrats, Republicans and everyone in between.

How could we have missed blondes for so long? Maybe we haven't had a blonde-joke t-shirt on our site because it is too overdone. We all know the "blondes have more fun"-"brunettes have even more fun"-and "redheads, have the funningest time ever" t-shirts...but we're pretty sure that no one has attacked the reputedly limited brain power of blondes like this before.

52tease.com is not generally in the game of goosing our customer's unbased biases for a buck, but we're not going to let that stop us. If you know a great blonde joke, please write it here (comment people). If you haven't seen the best blond joke on the internet, than you should probably click the link.

If making fun of people because of their hair color isn't your thing, we do have some other pretty awesome news at 52tease.com.

Our first free stuff giveaway: That's right, we're actually giving away something for free and all we ask in return is that you digitize yourself...if you want some very funny and very free condoms, just check out our new online photo petition to ban Republican sex.

Website update: We are in the middle of a massive website update. If you haven't been to 52tease.com in a while, make sure you swing by and check out our new navbar interface. It should make your trip around 52tease.com easier and less confusing. Please give us feedback and let us know what more you'd like to see.

We've been reviewed: The lovely folks at Uber Guru gave 52tease.com the once over and we're a little surprised by what jumped out at them. Show the uberguru crew some love and head over to their website to check out the new 52tease.com review (who knows, maybe they'll bring something to your attention you didn't see before on 52tease.com)

No more lightswitches soon: On August 16th we will cease production of lightswitches...that means that you have to get your rear in gear right now to get our exclusive 52tease 'artswitch' covers.

This just in, Vegans like Betty Lou's Balls:

That's right, Betty Lou has the best balls for Vegans. According to Ingie P. it is very difficult for a vegan to find balls that taste good and are satisfying. Lucky for her, Betty Lou's Ginseng balls hit the spot when it comes to her cravings.

Granted, it's hard to trust a reviewer named Spirulina Nut Butter Freak to not exhibit bias, but this reviewer's assertion that these balls do not "taste like algae or grass" and are "deliciously nutty and filling" is no laughing matter. Nothing like a mid-day nut munch to help get you through the work day, right SNBF?

Want to know what other balls you can get through Amazon.com groceries? Check out Betty Lou's Peanut Butter Balls, Betty Lou's Coconut Macadamia Balls, (the not quite so funny on their own but much funnier when they are in a list like this compared to Betty Lou's balls) Johnson & Johnson Cotton Balls , and Wonka Nerds (Gum) Balls-helping answer the historic question, 'do nerds have balls?' (as if Revenge of the Nerds didn't already answer that question for you).

Maybe eating all these vegan-friendly balls could even make a blond smartr. (get it?)

We want to hear your blonde jokes and comments! ~52tease.com

College humor, blonde joke, blond humor, smarte

Star Wars Fan Girl Apparel (finally)

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Sun, 23 Jul 2006 23:51:00 +0000

Our newest design, the These Aren't the Breasts You're Looking for t-shirts, harken back to the scene in Star Wars (Episode IV) when we see Obi-Wan Kenobi use the Jedi Mind Trick for the first time. (truly, it was the first indication of the force)

How suave was old Ben Kenobi with his British accent, powerful eyes, and a little hand wave? Who didn't want to be him?

If you don't remember, the conversation went something (exactly) like this:

Stormtrooper: Let me see your identification.
Obi-Wan: [using the force to manipulate the stormtrooper's mind] You don't need to see his identification.
Stormtrooper: We don't need to see his identification.
Obi-Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Stormtrooper: These aren't the droids we're looking for.
Obi-Wan: He can go about his business.
Stormtrooper: You can go about your business.
Obi-Wan: Move along.
Stormtrooper: Move along... move along.
(thank you IMDB)

Although many men recognize the force-like, hypnotic nature of a pair of well-formed breasts, (listen, women would stare at boobs in public, too, if they didn't have their own to look at in private. Thanks to human physiology, the breast must be one of the most iconic forms in anyone's mind. It is the first real "symbol" we come in constant contact with in our lives.) not many men realize that women are able to employ other, more subtle forms of the force to keep us away.

For those girls/women who aren't into the subtlety, though, may we suggest the "These aren't the breasts your looking for" shirt to keep those love-hungry Star Wars Geek Guys at bay?

Or, if you are a Star Wars fan and have a girlfriend or wife you want to keep off limits, we suggest you pick up one of these t-shirts as a gift (perfect for a geeky anniversary, right?)

STAR WARS FANBOYS! Don't let nature stop you from having a good laugh. Think about how much funnier this shirt is on you, with your man-breasts or your total lack of boobage. You too can use the force (who knows...these t-shirts might even help you take home a Star Wars Fan Girl to meet your mom...JK!)

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

PS If you are looking to refresh your memory of the movie in a quick, very funny way, check out this "Editing Room" version of Star Wars Episode IV.

Geek humor, Star Wars, Boobs, Geek t-shirts, These Aren't the Breasts

Mood: Chilled out | Playing: Nurse With Wound

It Ain't Easy Being Fat

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 01:44:00 +0000

One day the entire 52tease.com staff was out together. We were, I dunno, eating sushi, and somehow the shortcomings of one of our staff (let's call her "Portobello" to protect her identity) became the main topic of conversation. We had a few laughs at her expense, but nothing too damaging or anything mean-spirited.

Portobello stopped the show, though, when she shouted out the logo on our newest t-shirt, "QUIT PICKING ON THE FAT KID!"

You have to understand; Portobello is not exactly a fat kid...in fact, she qualifies as petite. When she let loose with this one we all stopped our friendly ribbing for at least a five count while we took in what she had just said.

...then we burst out laughing even harder than we had before!

When we finally stopped laughing, we apologized to Portobello for making her the butt of our jokes and had a good conversation about how fat people are treated in our society.

According to Roger Dobson's article in The Times Online, "Weight gain may have as much to do with the temperature in our homes, the pollutants to which we are exposed and the medicines we take as the 'Big Two'” causes: overeating and underexercising." Is it really fair, then, that we make fat jokes at the expense of those who, truly, may not be able to help it?

At this point, several of the Scientificologists in the room rubbed their heads as they thought and had another realization...they hated being made fun of for their bald heads. They couldn't control it, yet the "glare" jokes had become too much for them.

Although it has been a while in the making (hey, we had to find the perfect "fat kid" to be our model), we proudly unveil our socially conscious, don't make fun of others for their failings just because you feel bad about your own life, extra-sized for extra-lovin', "Quit Picking on the Fat Kid" teeshirts and gifts.

Wear these pro-obesity t-shirts to help battle the plague of misplaced and crude humor!

Oh yeah, do you want to see the fat kid get his revenge? (this link will hijack your Windows Media Player)

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, Fat Kid, Stupid humor, Easy Target

Why Take Responsibility For Your Actions?

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Mon, 15 May 2006 01:38:00 +0000

How you could you possibly blame a person for something they've done? Don't you realize that we are all just composites of the culture and society that pre-existed us?

Sure, the conflict between nature and nurture has been brewing and boiling for quite a long time. But does it really matter? Who cares if you were born the way you are, imperfections and a reduced moral capacity, or born into a family that raised you to become the evil bastard (or virtual saint) you are.

They all birthed you, didn't they?

Aren't your parents to blame just for bringing you into the world (and, if you are unfortunate -or fortunate- enough to have never met your parents...well, we can blame them too for giving you up or passing away or just not being there) and shouldn't they shoulder the responsibilities and fallout of your actions?

Think about the value in these blame my parents products. These cool graphic designs have the capacity to be bigger than the Bart Simpson "I didn't do it" phase of the early nineties!

Whenever you do something wrong from now on, assign blame where it is due...to your parents.

Comments are always appreciated ~52tease.com

College humor, Parents t-shirts, Family fun, Blame

Mood: Ready to conquer! | Playing: Winter 72 by Hood

Beer Drinker's T-shirts and Gifts

noreply@blogger.com (Alpha Zen) — Tue, 09 May 2006 02:39:00 +0000

After long and meticulous research two new laws of the universe have been determined: 1) The marketing whiz kids need a time-out every so often, and 2) 63.7% of any world's population will drink anything if the label says beer. In accord with law 1, we scientificoligists shall bravely seek communication and understanding with you. (A logical choice and in no way influenced by a "stunted ego" or "delusional power complex") And in accord with law 2, the scientificoligists are drinking beer.

Our research has revealed that beer, or even the illusion of beer is enough to make a vast majority of the world take a swig. We always figured that beer was popular. But who knew the sway even labeling a beverage "beer" had? Oh yes. Near-beer, root-beer, um, light-beer, all enjoy a popularity explainable only because of presence of the "beer" label. Beer is just good. C'mon. We're scientificoligically oriented type folks, but some things you just know because you know. You know? Beer is just good. From the suds of the Egyptians to the passionate love affair Homer has with Moe's, beer has permeated our human culture. 63.7% in fact. The other 36.3% is just odd. More research is in order.

We say, "cheers!" You're in good company, and we understand.

Comments are always appreciated ~ 52tease.com

College humor, Beer Humor, Drinking humor, Funny shirt